Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
