i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize