there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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