is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
