i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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