My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
