thus making me awesome and them whores
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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