This is not my ceiling
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
