WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
