Well douche your snatch and let's go!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
