for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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