I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
