Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
