when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
