Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
