This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
