Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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