if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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