I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
