this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i have herpe
just one?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
