I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
