They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
