Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
