The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
