Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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