Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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