why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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