I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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