All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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