Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
