i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
