Please, let me fuck your mom
I faked an abortion last night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
