Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize