so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
