U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
