he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
