Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
