Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
