You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
