Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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