I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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