FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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