i think my tv is drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
