What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
