I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
