I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
