Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
