i jhust puked up my retainher.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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