then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
