dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
