i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
