Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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