he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
