if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
