There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
