He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
