yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All the doctor said was why
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
