So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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