i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
