he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
