I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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