So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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