If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
