I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
