How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
