We're like a lot better than the average bears
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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