Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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