I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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