I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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