Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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