hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize