my soul wont recognize me after tonight
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
