True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
