would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
