Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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