I hate all girls vehemently.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
