..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
