She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
