If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
