every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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