You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
