Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
